I’m not overly bothered with Botox, my face is slowly slipping off my skull & no injectable will stop that. What I am finding hard is being an overweight woman in her mid/late 40’s (is 46 mid? It’s mid right?) who isnt doing any weightloss injections. My body is holding on to, & grabbing any extra fat, as though my life depends on it. I can’t help but wonder how these shots might help me feel better about myself. But if history tells me anything it’s not my body that’s the problem. I’ve never liked my body, not when it was young & tiny, not when it was older & average & certainly not now it’s middle aged, soft & round. My body has been my enemy since the age of 14 & I’m smart enough to know being skinny doesn’t stop the war. But my god is it tiring thinking about it all the time.
Absolutely battling this as well. At my kids school
I feel like I’m the only mum not doing the fat shots and that the self acceptance we worked hard for is now history. I feel the pressure to do it but I know in my heart it’s not for me. I have instead become determined to move every day and get rid of the bad snacking and fill up on fibre and protein and feel strong. It’s actually spurred me to look after myself better especially post divorce. ❤️ I’d imagine rapid weight loss must be contributing to a rise in Botox - Ozempic face- you could never win as a woman. Comparison is the thief of joy don’t forget.
I like to look at my ageing body on the mirror and admire the curves and think of everything it has given me. I tell myself I’m gorgeous. It seems to work. I also look at my lovely, round mum and think no less of her for enjoying a sweet treat. Recently a friend has succumbed to cancer and her body can’t handle the treatment because she is so small. No matter how irrational it is, I tell myself that’s another reason to embrace every part of me and hold on to the lovely fatty deposits. I hope you can learn to appreciate your fleshy vessel and squeeze all the joy out of life that you deserve.
Fellow 1990 here, hello! I feel this in my soul. I look at my friends who are creaseless and dewy, and envy them. However, I teach teenage girls and have a baby daughter, and part of me wants to stay “no bo” for them. I suppose because I love seeing women older than me who haven’t had any and just embrace their aging.
I live in an area in which botox is rampant, I'm fairly sure at least 90% of women here have it, and they look fantastic. I don't like the idea of it, so don't have it myself, and at 36 with three small kids (two of which have tried to kill me with sleep deprivation) my face is more crinkled than I'd like. For me, it's the smile lines around the eyes. They're not too visible unless I'm in a certain light when my face is at rest, but crikey blimey when I smile they're everywhere – or so I think, anyway. It's hard not to give in and just go for the injectables but, like you, I've never really felt beautiful anyway, so think it would be a slippery slope. I also find it helps to think about my dad, who died at 38. He hated his smile lines, but they were part of what made his face so lovely to look at. He thought they made him look old, but he never actually got the privilege to truly *be* old. I try to look at my smile lines and think of them as an honour, as I am given the privilege of aging.
Still wish there weren't so many of them, though, let's not get carried away.
For what its worth I love smile lines. I've always thought how beautiful to have one of those smiles that lights up the whole face and to do that there are lines 💗
Ahh 39 here and pretty much all the same thoughts. If I spend $$ on skincare (which I do) isn’t that akin to loads on 6 monthly injectables? Why don’t I just do something that will “work” better (Botox) as it’s still just a contract to the patriarchy (I think?!). Also will I want to be honest if people ask me about my face? Am I ready for this conversation? Also why do I overthink this so much when many of my friends haven’t given it a second thought…
Anyway, will check out those films!
Thanks Clare! Ps I’ve always thought you were beautiful x
I'm 44. My face is botox-free. My forehead has been scrunchy since I was a teenager, so I've been living with that one for awhile. I don't color my greys, either.
While I am a little judgy around botox, it's actually more me being mad at the patriarchy for imposing these absurd beauty ideals for women that simply don't want us to age.
I get why some women are not interested in sharing their age or any procedures they've had. The world wants us, as women, to sell the illusion of never aging while, of course, aging. So if we say we've gotten any sort of work done, it ruins the illusion.
I don't mind talking about my face or my age publicly because it's who I am. Aging is a fucking privilege.
Yesss!!! I am so tired of us cooperating with the patriarchy on the idea that our value is defined by our youthfulness and its implied fertility and naivety! I’m trying really hard (at 40) to be chill about the grooves in my forehead, and the newly appearing greys, and the loosening jawline. Eff the Patriarchy! Age disgracefully! Honour our mothers!
I can always tell when someone has botox only because I am a huge fan of expression, particularly shocked or angry expression haha. I love all of this! xox
It makes me so sad! :( especially because it's mostly women and I feel like 'we can't even have expressions now??' Men are allowed to age and get wrinkles and they're seen as sexy, but women must lose expression to maintain 'youthful' looking faces (i actually don't think botox looks youthful, to me, it's just strange and shiny and taught haha)
I think I’m the odd one out here - I get Botox. I’m 45. After my 3rd daughter at 40, an unexpected divorce and years of sleep deprivation, I wanted something that helped me look a little less like death warmed up on the mirror each morning. It’s been 5 years, there’s been no slippery slope so far, I’ve been getting the same amount that whole time. And when the budget doesn’t allow, I’ll skip an appointment or two. I’m pretty sure the only one who notices, is me. I think we’re only ever judging ourselves, even if we seem to be judging others, so I will tell anyone who asks that I get the anti-wrinkle sprinkle. I don’t think the issue is the prevalence of cosmetic procedures, I think it’s more that people don’t talk about what they’re choosing to do to their faces and bodies (or pretend they’re not doing anything).
Yes I agree! I love the openness around it. Otherwise it's like me walking around with highlights in my hair and acting like they're from the sun lol - I've never felt any negative emotion towards a friend who says they've had it. I'm usually just curious!
I think there are probably lots of people reading this who do get Botox 🙋♀️ but you’re the only one with the guts to admit it in this forum! I’ve been getting Botox for over 10 years and no slippery slope and I don’t think I look weird or frozen. I also don’t have the line between my eyebrows that would to make me look permanently angry.
What a great meditation of what it’s like to be a woman in these strange times. I agree, part of me thinks that Botox makes zero difference to how beautiful someone is in my eyes- it’s the person- not a face frozen in time or freshness - which makes someone so attractive.
Ha, you're totally right, I saw the headline of this and thought, what a fucking spring chicken you are. I'm in my mid-40's and have never had botox and I don't have any friends who have either. So yeah, I do think it has to do with where you live and the circles you run in.
I went for my regular dermatology check-up recently (you know, to make sure I don't have skin cancer), and I almost kind of hoped my doctor would suggest botox to me b/c if it came from her, I'd trust that it's safe and that I need it and that it's a normal thing for women my age to do. Instead she said, "your skin looks beautiful!" Which was all I needed to think oh, ok, guess I don't need to spend money to inject literal poison into my face. So creepy.
I think you just need to go to my dermatologist!! She will make you look and feel beautiful with her kind words alone. Anyway, good luck -- being a woman is hard and aging is hard. I totally get it and you should do whatever you want with your body.
oh my gosh this is so interesting about the dermatology check up. I recently went for a skin cancer check and the doctor asked if I wanted one of my moles removed for 'cosmetic reasons' and I was furious! I was like... well... you asking suggests it's a cosmetic problem?! And I'm more concerned with whether or not I have CANCER. I was very resolute in my decision to keep my weird mole.
It also annoys me when you go to the dentist, they say your teeth are healthy and strong and clean etc, but then offer whitening for a 'Hollywood smile'. I'm like YOU ARE A HEALTH PROFESSIONAL. I am here because of HEALTH! I'll tell YOU if I want a Hollywood smile. Hahahahahaha sorry this turned into such a strange rant.
Thank you for your comment and I'm a big fan of your dermatologist! xxxx
Hi, 35 here and no Botox. I have friends who have Botox and I have friends who look down on those with Botox whilst sticking 20 foul-smelling stickers to their face every night in an effort to achieve the same result as Botox. I wouldn’t say I’m against it as much as I just can’t afford it. But I will say, whenever I see someone with Botox crying on tv I think…nah better not.
49 years and feel young at heart. I feel we have been sold a massive lie and it's so easy to forget that it's an industry. I'd say 25% of my friends have had it, only 1 has admitted it. It's easy to deny the urge when you are thinking about other more important things and honestly, I'm not sure that's how I want to prioritise spending. People say, they do it for themselves but yes, it is a slippery slope...check Kris Jenner. I know extreme, but she didn't start out that way. And, look at her kids, all trying to stay younger with cosmetic surgery. I would rather invest in travel, experiences and my community, things that will feed my soul. I avoid mirrors where possible and photos too. I feel good and that's enough.
I love this so much, I feel the same about Botox for my self. I think it’s so important to see faces, ageing and pushing back on that beauty standard that we “shouldn’t” have any wrinkles
I’m 2 months shy of 56 and I would love to get Botox in the 2 deep permanent creases between my eyebrows but where would I stop, some filler around the lines that surround my lips. The ever deepening “laugh” lines that are across my cheeks and the end of my eyes. It’s tricky when the women I work with 20 years my junior are having their 3-6 monthly injections. Keeping their age at bay, but what’s the outcome if they keep doing this to their face for the next 30 years, when do you stop?? I will keep trying to embrace the lines across my face.
And don't underestimate the power of being a good role model to all the young women at work. I always try and lean into my age (and my personality haha) with as much pride and acceptance as I can muster. So the young gals at work can see a happy future that doesn't involve pain and needles (is that what they do???)
I’m not overly bothered with Botox, my face is slowly slipping off my skull & no injectable will stop that. What I am finding hard is being an overweight woman in her mid/late 40’s (is 46 mid? It’s mid right?) who isnt doing any weightloss injections. My body is holding on to, & grabbing any extra fat, as though my life depends on it. I can’t help but wonder how these shots might help me feel better about myself. But if history tells me anything it’s not my body that’s the problem. I’ve never liked my body, not when it was young & tiny, not when it was older & average & certainly not now it’s middle aged, soft & round. My body has been my enemy since the age of 14 & I’m smart enough to know being skinny doesn’t stop the war. But my god is it tiring thinking about it all the time.
Absolutely battling this as well. At my kids school
I feel like I’m the only mum not doing the fat shots and that the self acceptance we worked hard for is now history. I feel the pressure to do it but I know in my heart it’s not for me. I have instead become determined to move every day and get rid of the bad snacking and fill up on fibre and protein and feel strong. It’s actually spurred me to look after myself better especially post divorce. ❤️ I’d imagine rapid weight loss must be contributing to a rise in Botox - Ozempic face- you could never win as a woman. Comparison is the thief of joy don’t forget.
I like to look at my ageing body on the mirror and admire the curves and think of everything it has given me. I tell myself I’m gorgeous. It seems to work. I also look at my lovely, round mum and think no less of her for enjoying a sweet treat. Recently a friend has succumbed to cancer and her body can’t handle the treatment because she is so small. No matter how irrational it is, I tell myself that’s another reason to embrace every part of me and hold on to the lovely fatty deposits. I hope you can learn to appreciate your fleshy vessel and squeeze all the joy out of life that you deserve.
You're a fantastic writer. I really enjoyed this. It was comprehensive but also uniting.
Fellow 1990 here, hello! I feel this in my soul. I look at my friends who are creaseless and dewy, and envy them. However, I teach teenage girls and have a baby daughter, and part of me wants to stay “no bo” for them. I suppose because I love seeing women older than me who haven’t had any and just embrace their aging.
I live in an area in which botox is rampant, I'm fairly sure at least 90% of women here have it, and they look fantastic. I don't like the idea of it, so don't have it myself, and at 36 with three small kids (two of which have tried to kill me with sleep deprivation) my face is more crinkled than I'd like. For me, it's the smile lines around the eyes. They're not too visible unless I'm in a certain light when my face is at rest, but crikey blimey when I smile they're everywhere – or so I think, anyway. It's hard not to give in and just go for the injectables but, like you, I've never really felt beautiful anyway, so think it would be a slippery slope. I also find it helps to think about my dad, who died at 38. He hated his smile lines, but they were part of what made his face so lovely to look at. He thought they made him look old, but he never actually got the privilege to truly *be* old. I try to look at my smile lines and think of them as an honour, as I am given the privilege of aging.
Still wish there weren't so many of them, though, let's not get carried away.
For what its worth I love smile lines. I've always thought how beautiful to have one of those smiles that lights up the whole face and to do that there are lines 💗
I completely agree, I think they’re a worthwhile wrinkle
I love all this so sooo much! Thank you for sharing 🧡🌻
Ahh 39 here and pretty much all the same thoughts. If I spend $$ on skincare (which I do) isn’t that akin to loads on 6 monthly injectables? Why don’t I just do something that will “work” better (Botox) as it’s still just a contract to the patriarchy (I think?!). Also will I want to be honest if people ask me about my face? Am I ready for this conversation? Also why do I overthink this so much when many of my friends haven’t given it a second thought…
Anyway, will check out those films!
Thanks Clare! Ps I’ve always thought you were beautiful x
I'm 44. My face is botox-free. My forehead has been scrunchy since I was a teenager, so I've been living with that one for awhile. I don't color my greys, either.
While I am a little judgy around botox, it's actually more me being mad at the patriarchy for imposing these absurd beauty ideals for women that simply don't want us to age.
I get why some women are not interested in sharing their age or any procedures they've had. The world wants us, as women, to sell the illusion of never aging while, of course, aging. So if we say we've gotten any sort of work done, it ruins the illusion.
I don't mind talking about my face or my age publicly because it's who I am. Aging is a fucking privilege.
Yesss!!! I am so tired of us cooperating with the patriarchy on the idea that our value is defined by our youthfulness and its implied fertility and naivety! I’m trying really hard (at 40) to be chill about the grooves in my forehead, and the newly appearing greys, and the loosening jawline. Eff the Patriarchy! Age disgracefully! Honour our mothers!
I can always tell when someone has botox only because I am a huge fan of expression, particularly shocked or angry expression haha. I love all of this! xox
Agree - I actually find it quite off putting communicating with bland faces. Go expression!!!
It makes me so sad! :( especially because it's mostly women and I feel like 'we can't even have expressions now??' Men are allowed to age and get wrinkles and they're seen as sexy, but women must lose expression to maintain 'youthful' looking faces (i actually don't think botox looks youthful, to me, it's just strange and shiny and taught haha)
I think I’m the odd one out here - I get Botox. I’m 45. After my 3rd daughter at 40, an unexpected divorce and years of sleep deprivation, I wanted something that helped me look a little less like death warmed up on the mirror each morning. It’s been 5 years, there’s been no slippery slope so far, I’ve been getting the same amount that whole time. And when the budget doesn’t allow, I’ll skip an appointment or two. I’m pretty sure the only one who notices, is me. I think we’re only ever judging ourselves, even if we seem to be judging others, so I will tell anyone who asks that I get the anti-wrinkle sprinkle. I don’t think the issue is the prevalence of cosmetic procedures, I think it’s more that people don’t talk about what they’re choosing to do to their faces and bodies (or pretend they’re not doing anything).
That’s it, Sonya! I would never pretend I don’t get it - in my mind that’s way more damaging societally than choosing to do it.
Yes I agree! I love the openness around it. Otherwise it's like me walking around with highlights in my hair and acting like they're from the sun lol - I've never felt any negative emotion towards a friend who says they've had it. I'm usually just curious!
I think there are probably lots of people reading this who do get Botox 🙋♀️ but you’re the only one with the guts to admit it in this forum! I’ve been getting Botox for over 10 years and no slippery slope and I don’t think I look weird or frozen. I also don’t have the line between my eyebrows that would to make me look permanently angry.
What a great meditation of what it’s like to be a woman in these strange times. I agree, part of me thinks that Botox makes zero difference to how beautiful someone is in my eyes- it’s the person- not a face frozen in time or freshness - which makes someone so attractive.
Ha, you're totally right, I saw the headline of this and thought, what a fucking spring chicken you are. I'm in my mid-40's and have never had botox and I don't have any friends who have either. So yeah, I do think it has to do with where you live and the circles you run in.
I went for my regular dermatology check-up recently (you know, to make sure I don't have skin cancer), and I almost kind of hoped my doctor would suggest botox to me b/c if it came from her, I'd trust that it's safe and that I need it and that it's a normal thing for women my age to do. Instead she said, "your skin looks beautiful!" Which was all I needed to think oh, ok, guess I don't need to spend money to inject literal poison into my face. So creepy.
I think you just need to go to my dermatologist!! She will make you look and feel beautiful with her kind words alone. Anyway, good luck -- being a woman is hard and aging is hard. I totally get it and you should do whatever you want with your body.
oh my gosh this is so interesting about the dermatology check up. I recently went for a skin cancer check and the doctor asked if I wanted one of my moles removed for 'cosmetic reasons' and I was furious! I was like... well... you asking suggests it's a cosmetic problem?! And I'm more concerned with whether or not I have CANCER. I was very resolute in my decision to keep my weird mole.
It also annoys me when you go to the dentist, they say your teeth are healthy and strong and clean etc, but then offer whitening for a 'Hollywood smile'. I'm like YOU ARE A HEALTH PROFESSIONAL. I am here because of HEALTH! I'll tell YOU if I want a Hollywood smile. Hahahahahaha sorry this turned into such a strange rant.
Thank you for your comment and I'm a big fan of your dermatologist! xxxx
Hi, 35 here and no Botox. I have friends who have Botox and I have friends who look down on those with Botox whilst sticking 20 foul-smelling stickers to their face every night in an effort to achieve the same result as Botox. I wouldn’t say I’m against it as much as I just can’t afford it. But I will say, whenever I see someone with Botox crying on tv I think…nah better not.
49 years and feel young at heart. I feel we have been sold a massive lie and it's so easy to forget that it's an industry. I'd say 25% of my friends have had it, only 1 has admitted it. It's easy to deny the urge when you are thinking about other more important things and honestly, I'm not sure that's how I want to prioritise spending. People say, they do it for themselves but yes, it is a slippery slope...check Kris Jenner. I know extreme, but she didn't start out that way. And, look at her kids, all trying to stay younger with cosmetic surgery. I would rather invest in travel, experiences and my community, things that will feed my soul. I avoid mirrors where possible and photos too. I feel good and that's enough.
I love this so much, I feel the same about Botox for my self. I think it’s so important to see faces, ageing and pushing back on that beauty standard that we “shouldn’t” have any wrinkles
I’m 2 months shy of 56 and I would love to get Botox in the 2 deep permanent creases between my eyebrows but where would I stop, some filler around the lines that surround my lips. The ever deepening “laugh” lines that are across my cheeks and the end of my eyes. It’s tricky when the women I work with 20 years my junior are having their 3-6 monthly injections. Keeping their age at bay, but what’s the outcome if they keep doing this to their face for the next 30 years, when do you stop?? I will keep trying to embrace the lines across my face.
And don't underestimate the power of being a good role model to all the young women at work. I always try and lean into my age (and my personality haha) with as much pride and acceptance as I can muster. So the young gals at work can see a happy future that doesn't involve pain and needles (is that what they do???)
Great read! Botox doesn’t make people look younger, just totally devoid of any expression.
The trend for ‘duck lips’ is over and many people are seeking to reverse their cosmetic treatments – often with painful and disfiguring results.
Always appreciate your insights Clare. Loved this and your writing.