Hey Clare, it was my post you write about here, and I'm glad I found yours so I can say this: I feel very sad that anything I wrote made you feel less proud the next time you went to Pilates. That would never be my intention, and my body of work aims to help people (esp. women) feel better by moving their bodies however they want.
I tried to make very clear in my Pilates post that I wasn't condemning the exercise (I legit did mat Pilates *this morning*) but trying to uplift strength training for a reason I perhaps didn't make clear enough: It's important to me to push back against long-held mainstream ideas about women and strength training, like the idea that women shouldn't lift because they'll get bulky, etc. I know it feels like we're swimming in "Everyone lift and eat protein all the time!!!" content right now (and we are), but it's only a pretty recent shift that women are getting into lifting at all; if I take issue with anything in the fitness world, it's not any particular exercise and certainly not any individual woman and what she chooses to do, but rather with the system that for so long made many women feel that the weights area was a domain that was not for them. I hate that you had a bad experience in it, and curse the man who did those things to you.
I care so much about helping other women get into strength training not because I want it to come at the expense of other exercise they like (in one of the footnotes in my post I wrote that I love big-box gyms where you can do a little bit of everything, because I think that well-roundedness is the best of all), but because I fear that for so long, women haven't been doing a modality that is proven to be really good for them because of all the valid reasons we've been hesitant to dive into it. But: I agree wholeheartedly with you that the best exercise, ultimately, is the one you'll do and the one you like. I just try to encourage people dip a toe into lifting, as much as they can tolerate, as a means of pushing back against a culture that has for so long demonized female strength. I hope that any voice inside your head telling you that you're doing something "wrong" in any fitness space -- even if that's my voice -- is one you can banish.
Thank you so much for this, and I’m sorry you stumbled across a Substack that might’ve seemed critical - I did a big deep dive of your Substack recently and LOVE your writing, so much fascinating stuff, it was just this one point that was sensitive. And again - I really want to reiterate that it isn’t a criticism of you - when you work in the fitness space, clients have goals, and you’re helping them achieve them!
It’s more that I feel like I’ve always had that voice in my head telling me what I’m doing isn’t ’enough.’
Thanks for engaging with this in such an honest and authentic way. I really appreciate it xxx
I love this so, so much. As always, a beautiful take on a really complex issue. My relationship to exercise has shifted so much recently and for me, it is entirely because I found a gym I feel at home in. People talk about “third spaces” (ie not your home and not your office) where you feel safe, and - remarkably, because in my twenties I would have laughed and laughed at this - my gym is now that for me. Hot tip: working out with straight men is almost unilaterally bad, working out with women and gays is almost unilaterally good. Turns out the problem with my prior gyms was that a) nobody was playing anywhere near enough Lady Gaga and b) nobody was telling me to slay?!!?
Omg this. I need to not feel surveilled - and I don’t feel that way with other women. I swear in Pilates no one is looking at anyone else. I’m sure the right gym exists for me.. but I haven’t found it yet!
I can relate to this so much. Unsure where you live, howevery take the Inner West for example, there are women only gyms. You can request an assessment and tell the one off Personal Trainer or whoever is giving a tour of the gym that you want to build strength, light weights, cycling machine, water aerobics- if they have a heated pool and most importantly, the least effort the better. I have found consistency, even if it’s twice a week for 45 minutes to be the key and it will show an improvement.
Nothing has resonated more - I have recently started reformer Pilates as well, and have stuck to it for more than 6 months - it has been the longest I have participated in regular exercise since social netball in my 20s (and now I'm 50!) I also was discouraged with the comments about Pilates not "being enough" exercise, but going to the gym, running or swimming is not for me. It is better to be doing "something" than nothing, and my increased strength, control and balance means I'm more inclined to walk for exercise and enjoyment. Continue on Clare - it is tricky finding time to exercise with young children, and habits build routines!
YES. We are all so bloody confused when we should just be focused on MOVING OUR BODIES. Doesn't matter how. I am personally partial to Pilates as I'm an instructor, but I am nowhere near a lycra-wearing sculpted instagram Pilates girl (no shame) - because it was literally created as a rehabilitation method for *every single fucking body*. Not to mention it is amazing to just lie down and have someone tell you what to do for an hour.
I love to run for my mental health, and I don't care if it erases any muscle I've built. And you know what? I think we are all doing far better than people our age were doing 20 years ago. There is change here even if we can't see it through the toxic wellness fog.
This is so true Clare, as a woman who's just turned 60 and loving Reformer (exercising while lying down - what's not to love!). I've done a bit of the heavy weights thing and I feel the same as you about it. I feel stronger and more flexible and fitter from Pilates and I've found a relatively reasonably priced class - at the new swim centre which is a 3 minute walk to the end of my street! Game changer. Thanks for expressing what many of us feel - no matter what age!
I am 46, always been bad at sport & for too many decades I’ve had eating disorders/disordered eating/body image issues so for me exercise has ALWAYS been about shrinking or changing my body. But now I’m middle aged I feel like I need to future proof my body which of course means lifting weights. Turns out I hate lifting weights & the stress it puts on my body causes my already fucked yo digestive system to become even more fucked up. So here I am, for what feels like the millionth time, trying to figure out how to move my body for pleasure & not because somebody tells me I need to. Currently I do nothing but incidental movement & I’m ok with that for now.
Thanks for writing this Clare as its so true how women try & 'take down' other women's form of exercise, which quite frankly is none of their business. Every woman has their own right to choose for whatever reason/s is the best form of exercise for them. And needless to say this could be more about their mental health than physical, which that writer obviously failed to even consider. I have always been fit through out my life, running, going to gyms, doing F45 etc and it wasn't until I hit late 40's and continued to hurt my back doing F45 so I gave pilates a go 3years ago & I absolutely love it, for many reasons. 1. I love the way it makes me feel mentally because I attain a level of real presence in my body during the class. 2; I love how much more I have learnt about the muscles & other parts of my body from the teachers during class & have consequently gained a newfound respect for what my body can do; 3. I love how it has completely reshaped my body - my core (which I learn't from pilates is not just your abs), is like a rock of solid gold now & if i don't go for more than a week, which is rare I start to pee myself when laughing AGAIN! so consistency is the key! 4. I don't pee myself when jumping, laughing or drinking too much wine anymore; 5. I love how much more my body is toned now & Strong!; 6. I do not get injured doing pilates; 7. I love the community we have in our pilates studio which is rarely found in a gym.
The other thing that writer failed to qualify/check is that there are memberships in pilates studio that are not expensive - I pay $55 per week for unlimited pilates classes & I live in Byron Bay which is not a cheap place to live.
The other thing the that writer failed to qualify/check (there seems to be many) is there are pilates classes that lift weights & believe me some of those classes are bloody hard but great at the same time! And there are pilates fit classes which are more high intensity pilates workouts.
I say, do whatever makes you feel good about you & your body!
You have taken the words right out of my brain (where they were hiding) and put them in front of me - a great wake up call to just get out there and do, literally, anything.
Thank you - and good luck! I find I get stuck in a cycle of lethargy and then starting is really bloody hard. But once I do SOMETHING, the motivation kicks in!
I’m a reformer Pilates girl (recent convert) but the reason I love it is because no one is looking at me - everyone is much too distracted by trying to maintain balance and not be flung into the reformer well by a too heavy spring - and because it’s such a supportive, uplifting crew. I love moving my body and feeling strong in an environment where just showing up and doing your best on any given day is celebrated. Like most things, there is SO much noise about what and how we should be exercising. As a middle-aged woman with an increasing disdain for being told what to do, the last thing I need is a bunch of ‘shoulds’ in my head when I’m actually doing the thing!
Brilliant and so well said. I actually run a Pilates Studio and it would send chills down my spine if a teammate/instructor ever described the purpose of an exercise was to snatch or sculpt. We’re lucky in 2025 there is so much choice when it comes to movement. Not long ago it was gym, run or organised sport…now you can pole dance, Zumba, quidditch (?), pilates etc etc etc etc…if you try all the menu something eventually sticks…helps if the environment is lovely and welcoming too. I die a bit seeing where our industry has gone, don’t want to be a judgey judge myself but running a very much ‘if you want to wear Kmart and Lowes please do’ Studio it’s tough to think aesthetic could intimidate someone from moving. Staying strong ✊🏼 Well done for getting out of your funk. Find a mate with similar feels re exercise and tee up sometimes…hard with kiddos but so worth it / accountability / social win etc etc and all that x
Wow thank you!! I recently saw something similar (perhaps the same Substack) and it made me feel so guilty about my current focus on Pilates and walking. I used to do the weights thing and some cardio, and I’ve decided the best thing for my mental health (and therefore the thing I’ll do, which is best for my physical health) is low impact movement. It’s crazy that we’re made to feel bad about this, when we are all just trying our best 🫠 Love that you turned it onto the systemic society changes that’s actually the problem here!!
Perfectly summed up my relationship with exercise. As a 56 year old, I wonder when the exercise/food noise and associated guilt will ever leave my head! But I am a good dancer, so there’s that!
It takes a real sense of self to listen to others but choose to do our own thing. I love what you say about the real issue being we aren't moving. It really doesn't matter how we do it. As long as we do it and enjoy the feeling of feeling good (hopefully) afterwards :) But if we don't do it that's okay too. Our bodies don't have to be sculpted. It's just nice to feel good.
Yoga, gym, Pilates, running you name it… I recently switched from going to the gym 3/4 days a week, constantly wondering if I was eating enough to build muscles, or eating enough protein, or doing enough reps, or targeting the right muscles groups, or doing enough cardio to canceling my gym membership and joining hot Pilates instead. The gym is a whole lifestyle most of us just dont have bloody time for, especially with a toddler! It consumed way too much of my brain space..
I now go to Pilates or yoga most days, and feel I can go more consistently because it is low impact, I feel amazing and accomplished when I come out and feel way fitter and more fulfilled than I did when I went to the gym. I’m less focused on “sculpting my body” and more on just getting to the class. There’s something about an instructor just telling you what to do that is so much more relaxing than needing to conduct your own gym routine.
After all, the best exercise is the one you will do consistently, and everyone’s bodies respond differently to different things.
Now I just go cause it makes me feel amazing, the muscle definition I am getting is honestly just a bonus.
We put way too much unnecessary pressure on ourselves. Just do what feels good. ❤️
YES - I love an instructor telling me what to do! I have a fear of authority and it’s the only way for me to actually push myself hahaha - if it was just me in the gym I’d take the shortcut every single time. Good on you!!
Thanks for sharing this Clare. I read Mikala’s post a couple weeks ago and agreed strongly with her points (and still do).
But reading your experience and thoughts was an important reminder to me that the people that need to hear from folks like Mikala and myself do not need an ever-shortening list of acceptable exercise modalities.
You got at least one thing QUITE RIGHT - we need to move!!!!
Hey Clare, it was my post you write about here, and I'm glad I found yours so I can say this: I feel very sad that anything I wrote made you feel less proud the next time you went to Pilates. That would never be my intention, and my body of work aims to help people (esp. women) feel better by moving their bodies however they want.
I tried to make very clear in my Pilates post that I wasn't condemning the exercise (I legit did mat Pilates *this morning*) but trying to uplift strength training for a reason I perhaps didn't make clear enough: It's important to me to push back against long-held mainstream ideas about women and strength training, like the idea that women shouldn't lift because they'll get bulky, etc. I know it feels like we're swimming in "Everyone lift and eat protein all the time!!!" content right now (and we are), but it's only a pretty recent shift that women are getting into lifting at all; if I take issue with anything in the fitness world, it's not any particular exercise and certainly not any individual woman and what she chooses to do, but rather with the system that for so long made many women feel that the weights area was a domain that was not for them. I hate that you had a bad experience in it, and curse the man who did those things to you.
I care so much about helping other women get into strength training not because I want it to come at the expense of other exercise they like (in one of the footnotes in my post I wrote that I love big-box gyms where you can do a little bit of everything, because I think that well-roundedness is the best of all), but because I fear that for so long, women haven't been doing a modality that is proven to be really good for them because of all the valid reasons we've been hesitant to dive into it. But: I agree wholeheartedly with you that the best exercise, ultimately, is the one you'll do and the one you like. I just try to encourage people dip a toe into lifting, as much as they can tolerate, as a means of pushing back against a culture that has for so long demonized female strength. I hope that any voice inside your head telling you that you're doing something "wrong" in any fitness space -- even if that's my voice -- is one you can banish.
Thank you so much for this, and I’m sorry you stumbled across a Substack that might’ve seemed critical - I did a big deep dive of your Substack recently and LOVE your writing, so much fascinating stuff, it was just this one point that was sensitive. And again - I really want to reiterate that it isn’t a criticism of you - when you work in the fitness space, clients have goals, and you’re helping them achieve them!
It’s more that I feel like I’ve always had that voice in my head telling me what I’m doing isn’t ’enough.’
Thanks for engaging with this in such an honest and authentic way. I really appreciate it xxx
Thank you! I think this kind of exchange is what this platform is for 🥰
I just love this back and forth. What a lovely and productive conversation.
I love this so, so much. As always, a beautiful take on a really complex issue. My relationship to exercise has shifted so much recently and for me, it is entirely because I found a gym I feel at home in. People talk about “third spaces” (ie not your home and not your office) where you feel safe, and - remarkably, because in my twenties I would have laughed and laughed at this - my gym is now that for me. Hot tip: working out with straight men is almost unilaterally bad, working out with women and gays is almost unilaterally good. Turns out the problem with my prior gyms was that a) nobody was playing anywhere near enough Lady Gaga and b) nobody was telling me to slay?!!?
Omg this. I need to not feel surveilled - and I don’t feel that way with other women. I swear in Pilates no one is looking at anyone else. I’m sure the right gym exists for me.. but I haven’t found it yet!
I can relate to this so much. Unsure where you live, howevery take the Inner West for example, there are women only gyms. You can request an assessment and tell the one off Personal Trainer or whoever is giving a tour of the gym that you want to build strength, light weights, cycling machine, water aerobics- if they have a heated pool and most importantly, the least effort the better. I have found consistency, even if it’s twice a week for 45 minutes to be the key and it will show an improvement.
Try Pure Barre too!
Nothing has resonated more - I have recently started reformer Pilates as well, and have stuck to it for more than 6 months - it has been the longest I have participated in regular exercise since social netball in my 20s (and now I'm 50!) I also was discouraged with the comments about Pilates not "being enough" exercise, but going to the gym, running or swimming is not for me. It is better to be doing "something" than nothing, and my increased strength, control and balance means I'm more inclined to walk for exercise and enjoyment. Continue on Clare - it is tricky finding time to exercise with young children, and habits build routines!
YES. We are all so bloody confused when we should just be focused on MOVING OUR BODIES. Doesn't matter how. I am personally partial to Pilates as I'm an instructor, but I am nowhere near a lycra-wearing sculpted instagram Pilates girl (no shame) - because it was literally created as a rehabilitation method for *every single fucking body*. Not to mention it is amazing to just lie down and have someone tell you what to do for an hour.
I love to run for my mental health, and I don't care if it erases any muscle I've built. And you know what? I think we are all doing far better than people our age were doing 20 years ago. There is change here even if we can't see it through the toxic wellness fog.
Here here!!!
This is so true Clare, as a woman who's just turned 60 and loving Reformer (exercising while lying down - what's not to love!). I've done a bit of the heavy weights thing and I feel the same as you about it. I feel stronger and more flexible and fitter from Pilates and I've found a relatively reasonably priced class - at the new swim centre which is a 3 minute walk to the end of my street! Game changer. Thanks for expressing what many of us feel - no matter what age!
Yes to every single word!
I am 46, always been bad at sport & for too many decades I’ve had eating disorders/disordered eating/body image issues so for me exercise has ALWAYS been about shrinking or changing my body. But now I’m middle aged I feel like I need to future proof my body which of course means lifting weights. Turns out I hate lifting weights & the stress it puts on my body causes my already fucked yo digestive system to become even more fucked up. So here I am, for what feels like the millionth time, trying to figure out how to move my body for pleasure & not because somebody tells me I need to. Currently I do nothing but incidental movement & I’m ok with that for now.
Thanks for writing this Clare as its so true how women try & 'take down' other women's form of exercise, which quite frankly is none of their business. Every woman has their own right to choose for whatever reason/s is the best form of exercise for them. And needless to say this could be more about their mental health than physical, which that writer obviously failed to even consider. I have always been fit through out my life, running, going to gyms, doing F45 etc and it wasn't until I hit late 40's and continued to hurt my back doing F45 so I gave pilates a go 3years ago & I absolutely love it, for many reasons. 1. I love the way it makes me feel mentally because I attain a level of real presence in my body during the class. 2; I love how much more I have learnt about the muscles & other parts of my body from the teachers during class & have consequently gained a newfound respect for what my body can do; 3. I love how it has completely reshaped my body - my core (which I learn't from pilates is not just your abs), is like a rock of solid gold now & if i don't go for more than a week, which is rare I start to pee myself when laughing AGAIN! so consistency is the key! 4. I don't pee myself when jumping, laughing or drinking too much wine anymore; 5. I love how much more my body is toned now & Strong!; 6. I do not get injured doing pilates; 7. I love the community we have in our pilates studio which is rarely found in a gym.
The other thing that writer failed to qualify/check is that there are memberships in pilates studio that are not expensive - I pay $55 per week for unlimited pilates classes & I live in Byron Bay which is not a cheap place to live.
The other thing the that writer failed to qualify/check (there seems to be many) is there are pilates classes that lift weights & believe me some of those classes are bloody hard but great at the same time! And there are pilates fit classes which are more high intensity pilates workouts.
I say, do whatever makes you feel good about you & your body!
You have taken the words right out of my brain (where they were hiding) and put them in front of me - a great wake up call to just get out there and do, literally, anything.
Thank you - and good luck! I find I get stuck in a cycle of lethargy and then starting is really bloody hard. But once I do SOMETHING, the motivation kicks in!
I’m a reformer Pilates girl (recent convert) but the reason I love it is because no one is looking at me - everyone is much too distracted by trying to maintain balance and not be flung into the reformer well by a too heavy spring - and because it’s such a supportive, uplifting crew. I love moving my body and feeling strong in an environment where just showing up and doing your best on any given day is celebrated. Like most things, there is SO much noise about what and how we should be exercising. As a middle-aged woman with an increasing disdain for being told what to do, the last thing I need is a bunch of ‘shoulds’ in my head when I’m actually doing the thing!
Brilliant and so well said. I actually run a Pilates Studio and it would send chills down my spine if a teammate/instructor ever described the purpose of an exercise was to snatch or sculpt. We’re lucky in 2025 there is so much choice when it comes to movement. Not long ago it was gym, run or organised sport…now you can pole dance, Zumba, quidditch (?), pilates etc etc etc etc…if you try all the menu something eventually sticks…helps if the environment is lovely and welcoming too. I die a bit seeing where our industry has gone, don’t want to be a judgey judge myself but running a very much ‘if you want to wear Kmart and Lowes please do’ Studio it’s tough to think aesthetic could intimidate someone from moving. Staying strong ✊🏼 Well done for getting out of your funk. Find a mate with similar feels re exercise and tee up sometimes…hard with kiddos but so worth it / accountability / social win etc etc and all that x
Wow thank you!! I recently saw something similar (perhaps the same Substack) and it made me feel so guilty about my current focus on Pilates and walking. I used to do the weights thing and some cardio, and I’ve decided the best thing for my mental health (and therefore the thing I’ll do, which is best for my physical health) is low impact movement. It’s crazy that we’re made to feel bad about this, when we are all just trying our best 🫠 Love that you turned it onto the systemic society changes that’s actually the problem here!!
Perfectly summed up my relationship with exercise. As a 56 year old, I wonder when the exercise/food noise and associated guilt will ever leave my head! But I am a good dancer, so there’s that!
Clare I love this, you’ve just summed it all up so well. Saved it and forwarded to all my friends! Thank you.
It takes a real sense of self to listen to others but choose to do our own thing. I love what you say about the real issue being we aren't moving. It really doesn't matter how we do it. As long as we do it and enjoy the feeling of feeling good (hopefully) afterwards :) But if we don't do it that's okay too. Our bodies don't have to be sculpted. It's just nice to feel good.
Totally agree Clare. I’ve done it all,
Yoga, gym, Pilates, running you name it… I recently switched from going to the gym 3/4 days a week, constantly wondering if I was eating enough to build muscles, or eating enough protein, or doing enough reps, or targeting the right muscles groups, or doing enough cardio to canceling my gym membership and joining hot Pilates instead. The gym is a whole lifestyle most of us just dont have bloody time for, especially with a toddler! It consumed way too much of my brain space..
I now go to Pilates or yoga most days, and feel I can go more consistently because it is low impact, I feel amazing and accomplished when I come out and feel way fitter and more fulfilled than I did when I went to the gym. I’m less focused on “sculpting my body” and more on just getting to the class. There’s something about an instructor just telling you what to do that is so much more relaxing than needing to conduct your own gym routine.
After all, the best exercise is the one you will do consistently, and everyone’s bodies respond differently to different things.
Now I just go cause it makes me feel amazing, the muscle definition I am getting is honestly just a bonus.
We put way too much unnecessary pressure on ourselves. Just do what feels good. ❤️
YES - I love an instructor telling me what to do! I have a fear of authority and it’s the only way for me to actually push myself hahaha - if it was just me in the gym I’d take the shortcut every single time. Good on you!!
Thanks for sharing this Clare. I read Mikala’s post a couple weeks ago and agreed strongly with her points (and still do).
But reading your experience and thoughts was an important reminder to me that the people that need to hear from folks like Mikala and myself do not need an ever-shortening list of acceptable exercise modalities.
You got at least one thing QUITE RIGHT - we need to move!!!!