Gossip Drop #4: What no one's saying about Chappell Roan.
Yes, I am aware it is Tuesday.
Yes, it is Tuesday.
Yes, this newsletter has the word ‘weekend’ in it.
I apologise, deeply. But I also do not.
Because I have been in the throes of moving and things are not going well. The good news is, we’ve moved from a two bedroom apartment to a two bedroom apartment with a sunroom. And an actual kitchen.
An accurate portrayal of how I feel pulling up in front of my slightly bigger home ^^
The bad news is that packing and moving all the worldly possessions of two adults and a 15-month-old is soul-destroying, and there remains a tupperware container full of a) an old phone, b) a parking fine, c) miscellaneous cords, d) pens, and e) jibbets for Matilda’s crocs, that I simply cannot engage with. There is no way to sort through it, and it has now been placed in a drawer as is, to ignore until we move again in ~5 years time.
Because packing is stressful and overwhelming, I’ve been spending a silly amount of time on TikTok. That’s why my gossip/thoughts today are about Chappell Roan, even though I’m sure we can all agree enough has been said about her two-sentence comment on parenthood. But alas. What is the internet if not a place where we analyse flippant statements until we expect them to say all things about all people all at once?
But first.
Recommendations
If you’re on Substack, there’s a good chance you might be looking for other Substacks to subscribe to. And I can’t believe I haven’t shared this one already!
One of the OG newsletters (in my world anyway) is Things I’m Obsessed With by Keryn Donnelly. It started as a weekly roundup of the very best recommendations, and now she does broader summaries of books to read, TV shows to watch, podcasts to listen to, as well as opinion pieces, etc etc.
I worked with Keryn for years at Mamamia, where she was the (very funny, very on-the-pulse) Pop Culture Editor, and she’s the person I still go to when it’s a Friday night and I have no idea what I’m meant to be watching. She always… knows. Keryn has a knack for predicting what everyone will be talking about, but is also a genius when it comes to finding a hidden gem on Netflix. It’s probably been close to a decade that I’ve been taking on her recommendations and she’s yet to be wrong.
She also does a weekly wrap up of the best posts on Instagram every week and they’re pure gold.
While I was moving this week, I listened to Michelle Andrews’ interview with her mum Vicky on Inherited. Michelle’s mum has been diagnosed with terminal brain cancer, and Michelle is pregnant with her first child. In this conversation, Vicky talks candidly about death, about her life, about gratitude, and about purpose. She had a stillbirth, and her description of how she imagines that child she never got to meet had me heaving with tears in the middle of my living room. Listening to Vicky is a powerful lesson in perspective. In how crucial a person’s attitude is to the story of their life. But to hear the raw, unfiltered cracks in her voice when she speaks about the future she won’t be there for, is to be confronted with the reality most of us spend our entire existence trying to avoid: that we are running out of time.
I won’t try to put any more words around the interview because I won’t do it justice, but give it a listen if you’re in a headspace where you don’t mind a big, ugly cry.
I also finished Naima Brown’s second novel Mother Tongue, which was officially released last week. Brown is a particularly beautiful writer, building scenes and worlds that feel like they’re unfolding on a screen in front of you. Mother Tongue is stunning. It’s one of the boldest novels I’ve read in years, tackling themes of identity and masculinity and motherhood and language. The plot centres around the main character, Brynn, who is living a rigid life when she has a near-fatal fall and wakes from a coma speaking French. It’s a real phenomenon - foreign language syndrome - but Brown uses it to explore the idea of a ‘second self,’ or the different versions of ourselves that exist outside the framework of our native language. There are moving, poetic passages that will stay with you long after you’ve finished, and leave you contending with the question of what is gained, and what is lost, when the shackles that bind you to your identity suddenly disappear.
Thoughts
Look, both my ‘thoughts’ for this week and my ‘gossip’ are probably interchangeable, because they’re both the sorts of things I’d drop into conversation to see if they’d start sh*t. But here’s the random thought that’s been haunting me for a while.
When. Did. LinkedIn. Become. Such. A. Wankfest.
My LORD.
Is everyone FOR SERIOUS?
In December, I had a looming deadline for a round of edits for my novel, so I deleted my social media. Instagram. Facebook. TikTok. I simply didn’t have the time to be watching several out-of-context clips of medical dramas every single day. (Is anyone else’s TikTok full of Chicago Med or is that just me?? It’s just me isn’t it).
The problem, of course, is that procrastination doesn’t just disappear, it just finds a new home.
And that’s how I re-discovered LinkedIn.
I hadn’t deleted it because, um, why would I need to delete LinkedIn. I haven’t updated it in years. I accept every invitation because I don’t understand the social decorum of how it works, so now I have a bizarre feed of complete strangers yelling at me in corporate speak. And it’s mesmerising.
A few observations:
I have an existential issue with awards. ESPECIALLY ones that specify you have to be under a certain age. Like Forbes 30 under 30. Mostly because I’ve never won that kind of award and now I feel like my LinkedIn is lacking.
The emojis. Here’s my impersonation of a LinkedIn post.
🚀SIX TIPS TO GROW YOUR BIZ.
💰 Make money
🚫Don’t spend it all
✨Work your own hours
👏 Join an MLM
💃 Embrace your divine feminine energy
💪 Follow me on LinkedIn
I. Cannot.
HR managers need to stop posting job interview tips/red flags/secrets and start dealing with *gestures at all the issues that exist in the modern workplace*
There HAS to be an inverse correlation between the amount of time you spend posting on LinkedIn and how well your career is actually going… right?
But clearly something is going on where this platform is worth people’s investment? Because it’s now just another place to post content and clickbait. Every post is like: ‘TEN YEARS AGO, EVERYTHING CHANGED.’ Did it tho? Probs not.
Okay sorry that’s my rant.
Gossip
Chappell Roan. My sweet, sweet girl.
I really, thoroughly enjoy Pink Pony Club. My daughter and I dance to it every morning while we have breakfast, which I know must come as a surprise because being a mother should mean that I’m clinically depressed and the spark has gone from my eyes.
No - I jest, I jest.
Look. Roan was recently interviewed on Call Her Daddy, and this is the entirely out-of-context, entirely banal comment that’s gotten everyone into a tizzy:
“All of my friends who have kids are in hell. I actually don’t know anyone who’s happy and has children at this age … I’ve literally not met anyone who’s happy, anyone who has light in their eyes, who has slept.”
Understandably, many mothers were like… ummm, I’m happy? And also, the friends who have told you about the exhaustion and the stress and the challenges might feel kinda funny about their very public description of a) being in hell, and b) having no light in their eyes.
But I actually get it. I remember being in my mid to late twenties, knowing I wanted to have kids in the near future, and looking around at the mothers around me thinking guys. I don’t wanna be rude but can u bitches perk up a bit. Ur making it seem not that fun.
And some of those mothers spoke back. They said: you can’t explain the good bits, the magic bits. It’s not really possible to put into words, and no one’s that interested in listening to your weird anecdotes about your child and the silly ways they mispronounce words or the glory of a toddler backing into your lap like a dump truck. You have to experience it.
Of course, they were right. I also think there’s more to having children than just happiness. I think for a lot of people (those who want children), it’s about meaning, too. Purpose. And that doesn’t necessarily look like endless smiles. If you imagine anything that brings true, lifelong satisfaction, it’s not characterised by short-term happiness. You sacrifice ease and your own comfort and pleasure in order to focus on something greater. Is that what parenthood is? I don’t know.
For me, right now, my child brings me the most happiness I’ve ever had access to. That might be because she’s the most perfect 15-month-old to ever exist (I’m not even biased, my husband agrees too), and her happiness is utterly infectious. If there’s one word to describe Matilda it’s ‘jolly’. But I feel like being a mother opens up the full spectrum of human emotions, and where there’s a new level of happiness to grab onto, there’s also a different kind of shame, of guilt, of pain.
But gossip-wise, I do have one tiny little question to ask both Chappell and my pre-child self: You’re really focused on how other people seem miserable, and what might be making them miserable, but with all due respect, you don’t seem that happy.
Roan has spoken openly about her struggles with mental health, and how her career has taken a significant toll on her wellbeing, which is not a criticism. Far from it. It’s an acknowledgement that being young is hard, too. People who don’t have children have one million other challenges to face. So many of us aren’t happy, and I don’t think it’s as simple as looking at people with kids, or those without them, and making a judgment.
What do you guys think?
On an unrelated note, I’ve got a roundup of my favourite books of last year to publish later this week. So keep an eye out!
Clare xxx
Actually an intriguing read. I’m in Chappell’s camp where I’m in my late 20s and don’t want kids, instead focusing on career/art. There’s definitely a looming pressure from some incorporeal source of ‘one day you’ll pass the point of no return on not changing your mind, are you really sure?’ And sometimes reminding yourself of the sacrifice of parenthood is an easy way to justify your stance.
That said, your point that she doesn’t seem happy is pretty poignant. Because as someone who doesn’t want to be a mother but does want to have a career in entertainment, my instinct is ‘yes but her unhappiness is one she’s chosen in balance with the things she’s achieved that she aspired towards’ - which is exactly what you’re saying the burdens of motherhood feel like too. Definitely a pause moment for me in realising that we’re all basically in the same boat, just choosing our sacrifices for different things.
THIS IS SO GOOD AND SO CORRECT!!!!!! Most people don’t just make choices based on short-term happiness - arguably most people’s big life choices (including but not limited to where to work and whether to buy a home) come with a fair bit of short-term pain for long-term gain. And that’s fine! Nobody questions the benefit of those choices. My young kids make me really happy too but yeah, some parts are shitty, and I figure that’s sort of like… paying my mortgage for the life I ultimately want.